I don't know how long it's been since I last wrote..I don't know why, but every time I even think about writing, I just end up feeling like it'll be a waste of my precious time (ya, right, as if facebooking isn't! =P)
Urm, it's rather hard for me to say this, but it seems like I've been experiencing this 'point of inflection' (a term used during our sharing sessions yesterday with the ever so perfectly moulded London sisters)..I guess at this point I'm starting to question the actual significance of my own existence..I know how much others have long experienced this..I guess I'm just a late bloomer..
All this while, it seems that I've only been preoccupied with correcting my own behaviours, perceptions and the like but from what I understand through the enlightenment we had, it is essential that I act as a 'daie' who disciplines others as well through 'tarbiyyah', a word derived from the word 'rabb' which means god or in our case, ALLAH..the thing that totally sparked me about their explanation was that tarbiyyah (which means mendidik in Malay, which I would therefore gladly include 'mendidik hati' as one important point of view) is what makes a human being close to ALLAH..
Now, how does that work? Kenapa bila kita cuba menjadi baik, cuba nak berubah, cuba nak mengubah orang yang kita sayangi ke arah kebaikan, itulah masanya kita paling dekat dengan ALLAH? Well, the answer is none other than because ALLAH is the owner of hearts. Since in dealing with the process of tarbiyyah one is dealing with his own heart and the hearts of many others, it is at this point that 'tawakkal' in his heart is at its highest..
Surah Al-Anfal, verse 24 states that "Allah comes in between a person and his heart" which means that only HE is capable of changing people's heart and guiding them to the right path..It is therefore not up to us to decide the result of our effort in this process..and it does not mean that when we don't see clear changes in ourselves and those we seek to change, we should totally give up and leave things as it is..Something is definitely happening and we should certainly trust that ALLAH adalah sebaik-baik pemberi hidayah.
However, we also have this weapon we often take for granted- doa. I learnt that salah satu cara untuk menyentuh hati adalah dengan masuk ke pintu hati..How do we touch the untouchable hearts? It can be done none other than through our sincere late night prayers, our sincere cries and pledges in our doa which comes deep down from the bottom of our hearts...
Sometimes I wonder why it seems that I've been on this road too long but can't quite digest enough of its substance to actually understand and feel its significance..Others cry thinking about the situation of our current ummah and when I didn't, I felt left out..I come from a religious school and yet I don't have enough courage to lead others in a congregational prayer at home..I can't preach for long hours about one particular verse in the Quran without being given prior explanation..but does that mean I'm hopeless? No, I don't wish to look at it that way.....
The 'e' at the end of 'hope' means something.
I think it means effort.
p.s: I did eventually cry yesterday when asked to lead the recitation of doa rabbitah after our isya' prayers at home..
not when reciting the arabic form of the doa but when its Malay translation was read..
Why? Because the Malay translation managed to touch my heart..^^
"Ya ALLAH, engkau tahu hati-hati ini telah berhimpun dalam cinta pada-Mu, telah berjumpa dalam taat pada-Mu, telah bersatu dalam dakwah pada-Mu.." that's as far as I got before I broke into tears..
I guess I'm often a late bloomer..=P
Urm, it's rather hard for me to say this, but it seems like I've been experiencing this 'point of inflection' (a term used during our sharing sessions yesterday with the ever so perfectly moulded London sisters)..I guess at this point I'm starting to question the actual significance of my own existence..I know how much others have long experienced this..I guess I'm just a late bloomer..
All this while, it seems that I've only been preoccupied with correcting my own behaviours, perceptions and the like but from what I understand through the enlightenment we had, it is essential that I act as a 'daie' who disciplines others as well through 'tarbiyyah', a word derived from the word 'rabb' which means god or in our case, ALLAH..the thing that totally sparked me about their explanation was that tarbiyyah (which means mendidik in Malay, which I would therefore gladly include 'mendidik hati' as one important point of view) is what makes a human being close to ALLAH..
Now, how does that work? Kenapa bila kita cuba menjadi baik, cuba nak berubah, cuba nak mengubah orang yang kita sayangi ke arah kebaikan, itulah masanya kita paling dekat dengan ALLAH? Well, the answer is none other than because ALLAH is the owner of hearts. Since in dealing with the process of tarbiyyah one is dealing with his own heart and the hearts of many others, it is at this point that 'tawakkal' in his heart is at its highest..
Surah Al-Anfal, verse 24 states that "Allah comes in between a person and his heart" which means that only HE is capable of changing people's heart and guiding them to the right path..It is therefore not up to us to decide the result of our effort in this process..and it does not mean that when we don't see clear changes in ourselves and those we seek to change, we should totally give up and leave things as it is..Something is definitely happening and we should certainly trust that ALLAH adalah sebaik-baik pemberi hidayah.
However, we also have this weapon we often take for granted- doa. I learnt that salah satu cara untuk menyentuh hati adalah dengan masuk ke pintu hati..How do we touch the untouchable hearts? It can be done none other than through our sincere late night prayers, our sincere cries and pledges in our doa which comes deep down from the bottom of our hearts...
Sometimes I wonder why it seems that I've been on this road too long but can't quite digest enough of its substance to actually understand and feel its significance..Others cry thinking about the situation of our current ummah and when I didn't, I felt left out..I come from a religious school and yet I don't have enough courage to lead others in a congregational prayer at home..I can't preach for long hours about one particular verse in the Quran without being given prior explanation..but does that mean I'm hopeless? No, I don't wish to look at it that way.....
The 'e' at the end of 'hope' means something.
I think it means effort.
p.s: I did eventually cry yesterday when asked to lead the recitation of doa rabbitah after our isya' prayers at home..
not when reciting the arabic form of the doa but when its Malay translation was read..
Why? Because the Malay translation managed to touch my heart..^^
"Ya ALLAH, engkau tahu hati-hati ini telah berhimpun dalam cinta pada-Mu, telah berjumpa dalam taat pada-Mu, telah bersatu dalam dakwah pada-Mu.." that's as far as I got before I broke into tears..
I guess I'm often a late bloomer..=P
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